Health Class 101 With the Cullens
by Akako Akina
Summary: Bella and Edward have left for college, leaving the 4 Cullen siblings in health class...together...When Mr. Molina starts a brand new baby program...Uh Oh! Rated T just in case, latter chapters.
1. Babyish Assignment

Health Class 101 With The Cullen's

Disclaimer: PFFTTT I don't own Twilight…and yet I own this story…but not Twilight (very complicated process)

JUST IMAGINE!!!! Rosalie and Alice, and Emmett and Jasper (Edward and Bella decided to go to college again, Renesmee…quality time with Jacobo [yes Jacobo]) are in the same Health Class together…they think they know everything that'll happen here in this dreary town of Forks, or do they? When their teacher springs a new assignment up, it'll make a hilarious journey into Health Class With The Cullen's…

The first chapter is in third person; it will be the start point and branch out to different POV's making this story…even more…uh

~Enjoy~

The Cullen's all sat absentmindedly in Mr. Molina's health class staring out the window. They had all experienced this class, over and over again. Rosalie turned around to give a small wave to Emmett, not minding that Mr. Molina was walking up the aisle. Alice, on the other hand stared into the white board trying to figure out what Edward and Bella were doing. All in all it made for a very repeating class.

"Alright, tomorrow class we will be starting a BRAND NEW program! The school board thinks it's high time that you start with this program before adult hood."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and yawned, "So what is it Mr. M?" Mr. Molina stared at her, "Raise your hand next time Ms. Hale, and I am not obliged to tell you until the appointed time." Alice snickered and stood up fluidly as soon as the bell rang she waved her hand, "Good bye Mr. Molina."

Whilst in the hall, Jasper and Alice secretly linked arms along with Rosalie and Emmett. They had nothing to fear of course, but still the principal would not tolerate public displays of affection. Emmett sighed, "What do you think we have in store for tomorrow?" Rose looked to Alice, "See anything little sprite, thing?" Alice smiled, "Well, it looks like we will be in…in…oh no, he's teaching the joys of parent hood."

Emmett laughed, "Parent hood, COOL! What's a parent hood?" Jasper snickered, "Like Carlisle and Esme doof…" "Oh," Emmett chided. Alice smiled again, "its okay Em, will talk about this at home…" As they neared the cafeteria, Rosalie pulled out her bag of carrots and grinned, "Chow time guys." Alice let go of Jasper and walked through the door silently. They took their places at the farthest end of the cafeteria avoiding all possible attention.

"I miss Edward, and Bella…" Alice said, Rosalie smiled this time, "Well, I'm not so-." "Rosalie," Jasper entered in a warning tone. Rose sighed and went back to nibbling her sole carrot, "It was just a comment." Emmett looked at her, "All I really want to figure out is this…parent hood thing. The table shuddered and creaked in response.

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"Daddy?" Alice called into the house, dropping her bag onto the floor "Are you home? Emmett has a um, question." Carlisle sped down the hallway from his study with Esme in tow. "Yes princess?" Rosalie gagged and answered Alice's open mouth, "Emmett has a question." Esme looked sternly at Rosalie and turned to Emmett, "What is it Emmett?" Emmett shuffled his foot, "What's a parent hood?"

Carlisle choked, "WHAT!" Emmett walked over to Jasper and put his arm around his shoulder, Esme stared horrified. "His WIFE had a vision and we are going to have to live through a whole WEEK of parent hood and babies." Esme let out and audible sigh, "Well then that's fine Emmett, parent hood is a blessing even though…you guys can't have kids anyway." "You know," Esme voice was starting to crack "you guys are lucky that you will get to experience it longer t-t-than I did," she looked to Carlisle and ran up the stairs. There was a perceptible slam of the door.

"What's up with her?" Emmett answered. Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes, "EMMETT!" Both girls sped up the stairs leaving Carlisle to scold Emmett. The door to the room was inevitably locked when Rosalie tried to turn it. "Damn it mom, open the door." They heard the metal lock click and the door fling open; Esme was sitting back in a dismal heap. "You know he didn't mean it Es, lighten up!" Esme threw the sketchbook off her lap, "I know, it's still hard for me to talk about it. At least with your baby it won't DIE LIKE MINE."

Alice dragged Rosalie out the door with an exhale as Esme started sobbing again. "Carlisle your wife needs you," Carlisle sighed and looked at Emmett, "Great job." Emmett shrugged his shoulders and went to pick up Rosalie, "Let's be partners babe." Alice raised one finger, glazing over her eyes, "Uh, problem Emmett Mr. Molina is pairing us with our desk partners." Emmett looked at Jasper, "Him?" Rosalie sniggered, "Good luck with Mr. I'm So Calm." Jasper ripped out a snarl and advanced towards Rosalie, "Hmm now is that a threat or a promise big boy?" Alice sighed and pushed Jasper back next to Emmett's side.

"Rose, why is your head so insanely BIG?" Rosalie huffed and sat down on the couch. "I don't know Alice, it's your husband…" Alice shot Jasper a hate filled look and plopped down next to Rosalie. "I'm surprised Carlisle hasn't given us 'the talk' this year." Jasper said. Emmett laughed, "Well don't you think he would get tired of giving us that 'talk' every year, what has it been number 120?" Carlisle came down the stairs quickly, "Thank you for reminding me Emmett, now kids if you would all sit down."

"EMMETT!"

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"THAT WAS HORRIBLE, I'll need brain surgery now!" Rosalie yelled deafly into Emmett's ear. He laughed, "Aww, come on Rose there's always next year." Rosalie rolled her eyes and turned to Alice. "I'm thirsty, let's leave these bozo's behind…_please."_ Jasper winced, "Ouch, that hurts." Emmett winked at him, "Oh she wants me…" "As if Emmett," Jasper responded. Emmett gave a blank stare, "When was the last time you and Alic-." Jasper's hand shot out to smack Emmett's mouth, "It's none of your business."

Emmett clicked his tongue, "Alright bro, but all I'm saying is-." "EMMETT!" Jasper shouted. "People have been doing that the whole day…I wonder why." Jasper inhaled, "I wonder why you're such an idiot…"

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"Alright class, you and your DESK PARTNER have a whole week with this lovely baby that I have thrown on your desk." Jasper raised his hand, "Mr. Molina, can you explain the anatomy of the baby?" Mr. Molina paused, "It's a robot Mr. Hale, it has real life baby emotions, it gets hungry, it needs changing, and it cries for Pete sake." Rosalie snorted, "Do you have a comment Ms. Hale?" "Yeah," Rosalie started, Alice shot her a disapproving look. "No…" Rosalie sulked.

Mr. Molina sighed and continued, "Be careful what you say, there is a little recorder in each of the babies that turns on AT random. You have been warned."

Each of them took a look at the baby…

"This should be fun…"

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!!! I appreciate your reviews, and tell me who you think would be POV'd first! I think it should be Rose or Alice, one of the girls. But REVIEW REVIEW!!!! Look forward to the next chapters in…(dun dun dun) Health Class One-Oh-One!!!


	2. Rosalie's Restrictions

Health Class 101 With The Cullen's

Disclaimer: Twilight I do Not Own…. poor I…

**I feel like I'm going slower with these updates, sorry guys! But here it is Rosalie's POV of her half day with the baby, poor chick seems rather powerless now…**

Rosalie POV

"Alice! Alice! Where the hell are you?" I yelled into the empty house. Emmett and Jasper had already decided to go packing up the baby supplies. "Supplies," I growled. Alice had probably left me with this stupid doll to go shopping. I pranced up the stairs leaving the baby on the kitchen counter. Alice wasn't in her room, bathroom, closet, or Esme's blooming flower garden. "She went shopping for you…you better be happy that she left you here in the first place." I yelled at the baby back downstairs.

Alice had taken her cell phone and car keys from the alcove's holder, leaving me with a crying baby. WAIT, a CRYING BABY! "Ah, baby why the bleep are you crying?" _Alice didn't want me to use language around the baby, so I compromised. _The diaper stuck on the baby's bottom was ever bulging with each yell. "Shi…z!" I cried out grabbing my cell phone, even my nimble fingers couldn't dial Alice's number fast enough.

"_Hello? Rosalie what's wrong, I hear crying."_

"Like you didn't see this coming Alice, the baby is crying…I believed it peed or whatever the humans call it."

"I did see it sis, that's why I'm here at the store! Although, I did run into Jasper and Emmett, they picked out the most adorable high chair and I asked daddy if I could get one too and he-. Rosalie?"

I snapped the phone shut with a snarl, _going shopping for the baby my butt._ The baby was still crying in the background making me rush to the kitchen once again. "Baby please shut the fu- um, I mean up." I picked the baby up and rocked it like I had seen Esme do this morning before school. And yet, it still wouldn't shut it. I put it back on the counter and opened the buttons of the yellow one-sy.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I undid the tape backing of the diaper and launched it into the open trashcan. "Yup," I said looking down, "It's a boy." I left the baby bawling dry tears to grab some paper towels off the counter. On my way back over, I remembered to grab the tape off of Esme's craft table. Closing one eye, I wrapped the towel diaper style over the baby's bottom. That seemed to shut him up for a little while.

"Honestly Rose, I was just waiting for that…I'm home!" I whipped around to see Alice, Emmett, and Jasper all carrying shopping bags. Emmett had their baby strapped to his chest by a new baby carrier. Alice sniggered, "It's a nice look for your hubby don't you agree Rose?" I picked the baby off the counter and launched it into Alice's hands. She caught the baby with one hand, and sarcastically blew her nails with the other. "Is that all you wanna do Rosie?"

I advanced towards her but Jasper stepped in the way, "You know I really can't allow you to hurt my wife…" "Out of my way you emo little powerful freak of a vampire…I need to kill Alice for a sec." **(A/N: Thanks LilyPadADV!) **Emmett grinned and stuck his baby in my face, "Aww wittle Rosie wants to kill Awice!!!" I smacked the baby out of the way and bared my teeth at Alice. She waved her hands, "Ooh, Rose I am so scared!"

"CHILDREN!" Emmett's last booming laugh bounced off the wall, I turned my torso and looked Carlisle in the face. He composed himself, "Discussion…now."

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There we were seated at the dinner table…all eight of us, sadly that eight didn't compose of Bella or Edward. Six vampires, two robots…Well, you could make it five vampires…I had no idea what Emmett was doing with the babies at this particular moment. Carlisle stared me down like you wouldn't know… "Rosalie," he began in his 'warning' tone. "What do you say to Alice?" I couldn't believe it! He was talking to me like some damn 1st grader! I looked at Alice sweetly, "I'm sorry Alice," She smiled back.

I waggled my finger, "Oh no I'm not done yet," Esme covered her eyes and gulped. "I'm sorry, that you are a shopaholic, I'm sorry that you are a deranged self-absorbed pixie, I'm sorry…THAT I'M SORRY!" That did it, Carlisle ran his hands through his hair and sighed, "I want both of you out…" I glared at him. "Now, I don't want to treat you like mortals…but if you can't settle this you're grounded! Alice! No more credit cards! Rosalie no more…" He attempted to make googly eyes, "…with Emmett."

Alice stood up and crossed her arms. After one final look at my scowl she turned on a dime and left the room. Jasper quickly followed at her heels. I sat for second, making it looked like I _really_ cared, but like Alice I clicked out of the room close behind. Emmett was the only one left holding both babies; he turned to Carlisle and Esme…

"Great meeting huh?"

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"And that my dear children is the probabilities of child genes matching up to yours ALRIGHT, now I hope you've been taking care of your children over the past…day, and please remember I'm listening!" My eyelids snapped open as Mr. Molina called my name, "Ms. Hale, since you're so keen on this subject as to take a nap, what are the probabilities that a baby will have brown eyes if both parents indeed have brown eyes?" "It would be a strong probability Mr. Molina, because you see…" I went on with my drabble on genes; Mr. Molina gave a huff of frustration on not catching another Cullen sibling off guard.

Alice punched my side; I kicked her foot paying attention to scuff her heels. She groaned and stood up, the bell rang and all students but Alice, Jasper, Emmett and I jumped out the front door. Mr. Molina stared back surprised, "Kid's, what are you still doing here…(please…please leave now I want to get home)." Emmett grinned, "We love your class so much Mr. M-." I hit him in the gut Mr. Molina rolled his eyes and huffed under his breath, "Buncha lousy teenagers…"

Dragging Alice by her ear out the door, I nabbed my backpack out of my locker and hustled out the front door. Emmett and Jasper stared at me through the glass walkway and grinned with delight. Oh yes, yeah I knew the dismissed students were staring at me dragging my sister across the parking lot on an overcast day, but what was different!? I chuckled quite evilly and threw Alice into the back of my convertible…

I was almost to the driveway when Alice opted to pop up from behind the seat and speak.

"_Did you buy any more diapers?"_

**That's that! The second chapter of Health Class With The Cullens! Please review and tell me what you think!!! It's either Jasper or Emmett next up to the plate, so don't forget to check in!**


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